15 years ago, I was asked to be someone’s girlfriend for the last time.
When I was 16 years old, I made a list of everything I wanted in a husband. I closed my eyes and imagined what my dream guy looked like, acted like, etc. By the time I was done, I had forty-eight points. It was things like, “Must be good with money,” and, “Must have blue eyes.” It also had things like, “Must be taller than me”, “Must be able to cook,” and “Must not be an engineering Major.” That list went with me everywhere, all through my dating career. It even followed me to college. I kept it folded up in my wallet right next to my drivers license. I knew this boy existed, and I was going to find him.
When I would date someone, I would start to go down my list when things started getting serious. One time, I dated a guy who crossed off 46 out of 48 points. My friends kept telling me that I was taking this “husband list” too seriously. I began to think maybe they were right. I prayed for God to guide me in the right direction in order to play out the future He planned for me. That following Wednesday night, we broke up.
Several months went by, and I was getting tired of the dating scene. I met a guy right after Christmas break that understood where I was coming from. We became best friends. I loved joking with him, playing music with him, and he made me laugh harder than anyone else. For two months we were best friends. I started developing a crush on him, but I couldn’t let him know that, because it would ruin the very best friendship I had ever had.
One night, I was waiting for him to pick me up from the dorm. We were heading to look at a cemetery with a bunch of people (Hey, it was cheap and thrilling. College kids have no money or inhibitions). I was flipping through my wallet to make sure I had some cash when I found my list. I read over the points on the list and started checking off points to see where this guy ranked. I knew most of the answers, except for “Must be good with money” and “Must like to cook.” After the graveyard adventure, we went riding around. We were talking about the sacrifices we had made living on a college budget. He said, “I can make a mean pasta recipe with ramen noodles. As far as budgeting goes, I learned a lot from a Dave Ramsey course I took.” Boom. The last two points of my husband checklist had been crossed off. In my mind, I was staring into the eyes of my future husband. We were very close; could talk to each other about anything. I wanted so bad to tell him about my discovery. We pulled up to a red light and I heard myself blurt, “I have to tell you something.” He turned to look at me. I had a severe case of word vomit. “When I was sixteen, my girls and I made husband lists for ourselves on what we were looking for in a husband. I kept it in my wallet. Every time I dated someone, I would check off the points on the list to see how close the guy was to my actual husband. I know we’re not actually dating, but I’ve checked off the points applying it to you, and tonight,you crossed off my last point. You have all the qualities that I’m looking for in a husband.” Silence. Awkward silence. “Please say something.”
I handed him my list. We sat still through three alternating red and green lights until he moved from reading the points. I waited for him to shake his head, open the door, and ask me to escort my crazy self out of his car. Instead, he opened up the middle storage compartment of his car. He pulled out a folded up, old piece of paper and handed it to me. On top of that piece of paper was a title that read, “What I Want In A Wife.” Below it was several points that he was looking for in a wife. Each point was specifically catered to me. “Must be obsessed with music”, “Must be a Christian”, “Must be tall”, and the list went on and on. “You crossed all the points off the very first week we met,” he said. “I just didn’t know how to tell you.” We smiled at each other for several, romantic moments, and drove on down the road. For the rest of our lives.
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