Let every moment of everyday count for something. You were put in that position for a reason. You met that person for a reason. You stopped at that place for a reason. “And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to Him through the Father.” (Colossians 3:17)
Timehop always has a way of keeping me humble. Eleven years ago, I went out on a causal, summer date with a guy I had been dating for about three months. I usually had a six month cap on guys, so I figured I only had about three more months of fun with this one before something got in the way, and our relationship fizzled.
Who knew this would be our result?
This guy was put into my life for a very, very special reason. All of my mentors growing up suggested you “date to marry”. I believed in this 100%! However, there are a couple of guidelines that go along with this. I was the world’s worst at starting to date a guy and the next week signing his last name with my first name on doodle paper just to see what it would look like. Thanks to some awesome teachers in my life, I was guided with some great date advice. These are a few of my faves.
1. Dont act like you’re married. I don’t mean this is in a sexual way. I mean, don’t become so obsessed with one another that when something does happen, you feel like you’ve gotten divorced. That’s the sign things have gotten to far.
2. Don’t give everything you’ve got immediately. If you share every story in the book, or give all of yourself (yeah, I do mean sexually) then what do you have for the rest of your lives together? God’s way is perfect, even if it seems old school. Remember that.
3. If they have habits now, they’ll have habits then. This goes for drinking, drugs, abuse, language, walking away from confrontation, biting nails, excessive shopping, nights out or video gaming. There’s no “off” switch that happens once the ring happens. This has a positive twist, too. If you develop good habits in your relationship-like being honest-it will carry over into your marriage.
4. Talk church. Don’t wait until you live under the same roof or until you have kids to figure out your church plans. Be realistic, you can’t each pick a child and one of you take them to your church, and the other take that kid to their church because of your preference. Open the book and check out God’s preference. After all, he created your unity.
5. Don’t ditch your friends. Are you gonna ditch your friends after the “I do”? Try doing things all together. Friends have an important role all throughout your life.
6. Your dating for the guy, not the wedding. During that first picture, I was at the age where so many girls dreamed of their wedding. All through their engagements, their focus was on the wedding party and honeymoon. Keep your focus on what’s important. The wedding lasts 30 minutes, the marriage is a lifetime.
7. Break up vs. Marriage. At some point in the relationship, come to the realization that you guys are either going to have to break up or get married. Relationships are about love and commitment-not accessories.
8. When you date, think about your spouse. I know this seems weird, but when you date, think about that guy or girl you’re actually going to marry one day. Where is he/she right this minute? Is he/she with another girl/guy? If your spouse’s relationship with that other person was identical to the one you were in at the time, would you be cool with that?
9. No time outs. This goes along with the habit section. If you “take a break” while you’re dating, what is this suggesting for your marriage? It’s true separation isn’t a sin, but isn’t there always a sin behind wanting to be away from the one you vowed to love and support forever? (Lies, selfish ambition, anger…)
10. Go to the Bible for answers. No one calls the shots like God calls the shots. Pick this habit up early. Your relationship is destined to go in the right direction if God is holding the pen to your love story.
11. Don’t settle. You are better than that. Once upon a time, God created a human being for YOU as a helpmate to carry out HIS plan. Since it’s HIS plan, it’s in HIS time. Wait for that person. Don’t settle for someone else because you think it’s convenient. Love isn’t a convenience; it’s destiny.
12. Finally, make that list! Write down everything you want in a spouse and if that guy/girl you’re dating isn’t those hand written “spousal items”, move along!
“Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” -Proverbs 19:2
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11
And while you wait…
“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” -Proverbs 16:3
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