For a teacher, the year doesn’t begin in January and end in December. A teacher’s year begins in August, ends in May and takes two months of reflection time before starting the process all over again.
Last night was our end of the year chorus banquet.
We celebrated accomplishments, watched our year end review on slideshow, and honored the class of 2019 choristers. (Oh, and dressed up as our favorite musical theater character). I left that party feeling confident, successful, and full of energy for the next year.
Then, I got home.
You know what else was last night? This beautiful lady’s final(so she says) dance recital.
She’s been going full blast with piano, dance, gymnastics, cheer, Lads to Leaders, and her very first musical performance. Did I mention she’s 5? If I had the world to give her, I would. That’s so easy to say because of the amount of love I have for her. She had a really rough day yesterday-well, this whole week-at school. Focus is a struggle, friendships are a struggle, and I’m pretty sure she just needs to sleep for 3 days straight. Back to the recital: I sat through her recital looking like Jack Black because I had to leave to go to the banquet as soon as her performance was over. And people don’t whisper quietly anymore, what’s up with that?
There’s no wonder I walked into my house feeling like a 10/10 teacher but a zero Mom. On Mother’s Day weekend, at that! I had stolen energy from the people that mattered the most to me in order to make this year in my program work. That hurts so bad to admit out loud. But it’s the truth. These past two weeks have been full of my crazy end of the year schedule (7 performances in 5 days). It’s affecting everyone.
This kid is playing tee ball for the first time this year. He missed two games this season because of my failed attempts to balance life.
That big kid is a Saint. He has picked up my slack and has rocked being a single parent. But he will tell you, it’s not easy. It has been so stinking hard.
So I stayed up talking to Ben about the perfect “balance” last night. I’m not sure there is a solution, really, but we came up with several opportunities that we are going to try in order to win “Parents of the Year.” I thought I’d share in case you, too, are in the Parent Survival Club.
1. Quit trying to be nominated for Parents of the Year. I have a horrible habit of comparing myself to other people. I try everything I can to keep up with the Jones’s at work, in my family, at church, in weight loss, and you know what? I do great when the Jones aren’t a factor. Your family is your family. God gave your family a different purpose than He gave the Jones. Accept the fact that if you are providing a “balance” of anything, you can’t put all of your eggs into one basket. Meaning, you’ve got to be okay with letting other people who only focus on one basket, get ahead. And one of the greatest things you can teach your kids is to set the example of being genuinely happy for the Jones when they win the POTY award.
2. Keep God Center. Colossians 3:17, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” Make time for God. I always heard don’t make God a chore. Okay, but look at weight loss. If you don’t crack down and set a “discipline plan”, then you won’t be serious about losing the weight. The lifestyle change evolves from that plan. You’ve got to be serious about making God the center of your household, even if that means making a set time that your whole family comes together for Him. If this is in your daily routine, then that means whenever they act up, are bullied, are confused, are excited, seek guidance…you have already laid the foundation to say, “Let’s look and see what the Bible says about it.” God will help you parent. He made the children; he knows what’s best for them.
3. This is my new find. It’s called Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford. The front of the book says it’s, “A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list, and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters.” This is my summer read, but I started it early. It is EXACTLY what I needed in order to figure out this life of balance between all the boxes in my life.
4. Say, “No.” The key is to not overload your schedule; including your kids schedule. This goes back to being okay with letting the Jones’s get ahead of you. You are allowed to say, “No.” Sure, there are nice ways to say this. Obligations don’t count when it’s a matter of what’s best for your family. If we didn’t say, “No” at least sometimes, we’d never be able to fulfill the plans God has for us. Saying “no” to something means your saying “yes” to something else, and vice versa.
5. Prioritize. I’m embarrassed to say this is where I lacked. I most definitely didn’t do it on purpose, but by saying, “Yes” to my student kids, I said, “No” to my personal kids. They’re young and may not understand, but when Ben told me that Peyton cried the other night because I couldn’t tuck him in, I broke. Some nights, I’m not going to be able to tuck him in. And that’s okay. But those nights should be few and far between, because the days he’s going to want me to tuck him in are few and far between.
There’s a line in Mary Poppins where Bert tells Mr. Banks, “You’ve got to grind, grind, grind, at that grindstone, though childhood slips like sand through a sieve. And all too soon they’ve up and grown and then they’ve flown. And it’s too late for you to give.”
This Mother’s Day-and all the Mother’s Days to hopefully come-I want to encourage you to join the Spoonful of Sugar movement in being the Mothers God wants us to be, with a healthy balance in all the other roles we play as well.
And to my Mom, who seemed to have the balance right all the time-I hope to grow up to be just like you. Happy Mother’s Day. 💐
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